Love Sick Fool
by The Orgasmic Uke
Summary: If it hurts in the morning, than it must be love. So I convinced myself. Waking up just brings me down. Cause every morning you are no where to be found. I'd rather live with broken bones then live here all on my own like a lovesick fool. That's what you made me. Modern AU. Hijack.


**This wasn't easy to write. I can't even honestly say why I wrote this. I was just inspired and out it came. It may be crap but I love it in a weird way.  
**

**Warning: Angst, some bad language and boyxboy of course.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Jack or Hiccup. Nor the song. It's The Cab's.**

**Listen to the song. It fits the feel of this story perfectly.**

* * *

_Who are you? You're looking like a stranger_  
_ You were once my love and my savior_  
_ Now I'm left with nothing but your makeup_  
_ On my pillow_

_ And I can't sleep, the pills they never helped_  
_ Tried counting sheep, still hurts like hell_  
_ I can't believe this rose has lost its red_  
_ And its petals_

_ Who put that rock in your chest, won't you tell me?_  
_ If I said I wished you the best, I was lying_

_ [Chorus]_  
_ Waking up just brings me down (down)_  
_ Cause every morning you are nowhere to be found (nowhere to be found)_  
_ And my bed is half empty not half full_  
_ I'd rather live with broken bones_  
_ Then lay here all on my own like a lovesick fool_

_ Like a lovesick fool [x3]_

_ Where'd you go?_  
_ You said you'll never leave me_  
_ All alone, my heart is barely beating_  
_ Like a ghost you haunt me every day that you're gone_

_ I'm not the same_  
_ Now something went missing_  
_ There's a cage, it feels like a prison_  
_ Here, I'll stay until you come back home (home)_

_ Who put that rock in your chest, won't you tell me?_  
_ If I said I wished you the best, I was lying_

_ [Chorus]_  
_ Waking up just brings me down (down)_  
_ Cause every morning you are nowhere to be found (nowhere to be found)_  
_ And my bed is half empty not half full_  
_ I'd rather live with broken bones_  
_ Then lay here all on my own like a lovesick fool_

_ Am I a lovesick fool?_  
_ Or am I giving up?_  
_ Am I a lovesick fool?_

_ Waking up just brings me down (down)_  
_ Cause every morning you are nowhere to be found (nowhere to be found)_

_ [Chorus]_  
_ Waking up just brings me down (down)_  
_ Cause every morning you are nowhere to be found (nowhere to be found)_  
_ And my bed is half empty not half full_  
_ I'd rather live with broken bones_  
_ Then lay here all on my own like a lovesick fool_

_ Like a lovesick fool [x3]_

* * *

I'd known from the beginning. I'd know that no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, it would end this way. I had been warned. By everyone. But I was a fool. A lovesick fool. Because he bated me. He pulled me in, made me feel safe and loved and then fucking left. Everyone told me it was his game; His way of life but I had convinced myself that I was different. That I could change him and he wouldn't leave me in the end. But I was a fool... I'd never felt so stupid in my entire life.

It had started over eight months ago. He was just a normal kid at the library like everyone else on a Thursday afternoon. I'd never noticed him before and I didn't even care to. At the time, I wasn't aware that we shared three classes together and even spent our time at the same café most days. I wasn't aware that he'd been watching me. Not until Sandy pointed it out.

As I said, it was a normal Thursday afternoon for me. I had made my way to the Library to do some research for my Economics paper with my good friend Sandy. He was quite guy but he was good company to have. Especially on trips to the library. Because he didn't speak much he made our time together peaceful and relaxing. We set up at our normal table, the one farthest to the back and near the large floor to wall windows. Natural light was best after all. It was only a month into college but it was my second year.

Life was looking up for me. I was in a great place in my life. I didn't grow up with much. I was tossed from foster home to foster home after I lost my parents in a house fire at the age of six. By the time I was seventeen, I had finally found a home with a kind old man who reminded me of Santa Clause. His name was even Nicolas. He took me in, straightened my rebel ways out in a matter of a year and shipped me off to college. I had never thought I would have the chance to do so but Nicolas always insisted. I didn't have it in my heart to say no. I was lucky enough to have the chance given to me to better my education.

So there I was, sitting with Sandy, working on my paper when the golden-haired male decided to nudge my arm. Now there was one thing I knew best about Sandy. The kid never initiated anything unless it was important. So I lifted my head with a questioning eyebrow only to find he wasn't exactly looking at me. His rounded face was toward me but golden eyes were cut to the side, glancing at something. Or rather, someone. I just blinked at him and shifted me eyes to follow his line of vision.

Now there were a few things Sandy could have been looking at. There was the couple in the back corner, hiding behind a bookshelf making out; there was a pretty girl with braided blonde hair that was busy looking for a book and then there was the awkward looking brunette male sitting at the table across from ours. It could have been any of those things. But I knew exactly what it was. It was the boy. How did I know? Because when my eyes shifted to him, I was frozen to my spot. Those intense forest green eyes were staring right at me. He noticed he'd been caught immediately and his eyes shifted back down to his book. But his freckled cheeks were flustered red and he awkwardly shifted in his seat.

I barely controlled my jaw from flopping open as I looked back at Sandy. The male was just smiling at me before he scribbled something on a piece of paper. I sighed and leaned back in my chair, stretching slightly as I waited for the kid to write out what he wanted to say. I tried to act like I hadn't noticed the kid but I couldn't help but keep glancing at him. It was like he was watching me when he thought I didn't notice.

He was cute. There was no denying that. His chestnut-brown hair was like a fluffy mop atop his head, cut in a rather fashionable style. He had a button nose, a rounded chin and his skin was dusted with freckles. It made me wonder just where else those freckles traveled. His eyes were a color I had never seen before on a human being. The color of the deep forest. Enchanting really. Thick black rimmed glasses rested on his nose and his clothing was simple enough. He wore a green sweater and from what I could see, he wore jeans with black sneakers.

I had been too busy checking the boy out to even realize Sandy had slid me his little note. After another nudge from the male, I glanced down to read what he had written.

_His name is Henry Haddock. But people call him Hiccup. Strange nickname, I am aware. He's been watching you for a while now. I thought you might want to know._

I flashed my friend a grin, grateful that he knew my taste. That was all it took back then. Being aware of Hiccup was all it took. Once I was aware of him I could no longer be unaware. So a week later, I approached him and asked him on a date. Unsurprisingly enough, he had agreed.

I was never picky about who I dated. I never cared about gender. All that mattered was if they were attractive enough and if they were interesting. Well Hiccup had that down pat. The kid was fucking adorable. His little crooked smile and the way his eyes lit up every time i said his name was all it took. I was hooked after the first date. Plus, he was interesting. We had more in common than I expected but we differed in all the was that counted. It seemed like the start of something nice. Something good that could last if given the chance.

But then Astrid showed up. The pretty blonde girl from the library who happened to be Hiccups best friend. Now, I had been aware of the girl of course. She was a little abrasive but all in all a nice girl. She obviously didn't trust me and I was fine with that. After all, she hardly knew me. i figured she'd grow to trust me once she got to know me better and learn I had no bad intentions toward her friend.

The thing about Hiccup was, for a kid who liked to keep to himself, he had a lot of friends. Everyone knew him. Literally, everyone. I was surprised that I was probably the only person on campus who wasn't aware of him. And that had me thinking about w_hy_ everyone knew him. He was nice but quite. Like Sandy in a way. So I couldn't help but wonder why everyone knew him. And when I asked the brunette he'd just brush it off.

Astrid finally answered it for me. But it wasn't just her. She was the first however. She approached me one day while I was waiting at the café for Hiccup to show up. It was convenient to be dating someone who had a similar schedule to my own. We often bumped into each other. The blonde just sat herself down in Hiccup's spot and started to sip his tea like it wasn't out of place. And really it wasn't. Astrid did that a lot. Though I didn't know it at the time.

That was the first time I was told to stop dating Hiccup. I had thought she was just doing what best friends did and I was angered at first. But she demanded I calm down and after a good bop to my head, I sat back down and gave her a chance to explain. Astrid went on to explain that dating Hiccup wouldn't be good for my health. Of course she made no sense. She went on to explain how her best friend was actually incapable of love. He would go through the motions at first, drag me in, make me feel loved and then when it really started to be to serious for him, Hiccup would jump out. He'd run away in fear. She told me he'd done it at least six times before. She couldn't explain why it was that way. She only knew something traumatic had happened to Hiccup when he was young and that it caused him to be this way.

I appreciated her concern, even told her so, but told her I could handle myself. She warned me that I had no idea what I was getting myself into. That she'd seen it too many times and felt I had deserved to know. Warning me was all she felt she could do because she thought I was nice guy and didn't want to see me get hurt in the end. I was confused, yet grateful she cared. Astrid knew I didn't take her warning to heart and left me to think on it before Hiccup arrived not even five minutes later.

After that encounter, I just brushed off the warning and went about my normal days with Hiccup. They were sweet and I couldn't help but start to really feel for the boy. After all, it was hard not to when he put his all into it. He called often, texted all the time and we spent time together everyday. I learned a lot about him. Simple things really because Hiccup didn't open up too much. But I felt like I was making a little progress after a month of dating.

Then came the second encounter. I didn't know him. At all. I'd never actually seen him before in my life. I was just casually walking to my English Lit class when this tall, dark-haired male appeared before me, causing me to nearly stumble over my own feet. His name was Oscar. And he was the guy Hiccup dated before me. At the time, I was floored that Hiccup's ex would approach me out of the blue like that. Apparently, the two had dated the year before and Oscar was far from over Hiccup. But that wasn't why he approached me.

Oscar went on to tell me that he knew what I was feeling. He knew what Hiccup could do to someone. He could easily lure you in with sweet words and soft touches. He could make you feel like the single most important person in the world. But then, when you least expect it, when you're already so far in love with him that there is no turning back, he's _gone_. According to Oscar, the two dated for six months. Six months of bliss. And then, out of no where Hiccup was simply gone without warning. The boy made himself practically disappear from Oscar's life and it as then that he had taken Astrid's warnings to heart. So he was here, warning me. So I didn't end up heartbroken like him.

Of course, I blew him off. I figured the guy had to have done _something_ to make Hiccup break up with him. After all, Hiccup was the sweetest guy I knew. It didn't make sense that he would just up and leave without a logical reason. The kid was the definition of Logical. So I thanked the guy for his concern and went on with my life. I didn't realize how stupid it was of me to do that...

Four months later and Hiccup and I had spent a fabulous Christmas together and an even better New Years. The best New Years. Why? Because the boy openly gave himself to me. Now, I didn't have much experience when it came to sleeping with guys but I knew enough. I coul honestly say, it was the best sex of my life to date. Hiccup was more than just some sweet little nerd. No, the kid was a fucking beast in the bed. The sounds he made... The way his body _moved_. I could never explain it. Never describe it. You just had to be there to understand.

The only issue was that New Years day morning I woke up alone. I didn't understand at first and sure I panicked a little. I called Hiccup four times and the kid never answered. I did my best to calm myself, refusing to believe anything that Astrid and Oscar had told me. I spent the day in my apartment, nearly losing my mind before Hiccup finally showed up that afternoon with a smile and an apology. Apparently, he had freaked out a little himself. He said he needed a little time to think about us and he was sorry for just leaving like that. I was so relieved he was back I didn't give a damn that he had left me. I just smothered him with love and made him promise not to leave me like that again.

It was a week later when I got my third warning from a third person. This time, it was someone I knew. Someone I was close to. Now, there's something you need to know about Aster. He's... different. The dude is at least six-foot five with these muscles that scare the hell out of most. He's covered in these strange tattoos and has a thick accent that I finally figured out was Australian. Aster and I had been friends since before Nicolas adopted me. We were in foster care together and Nicolas blamed him for my rebel streak. The man hadn't been wrong. Aster was the reason my hair was white. But that was years ago. Still, we were good friends.

Aster met up with me at a local pub with Sandy and a few of our other friends. I hadn't seen the guy in a few months and it was nice to get to spend some time with him. Of course, I invited Hiccup. I wasn't going to leave him out and after a little pushing he finally agreed to go. He dragged along Astrid who spent the night with Sandy, enjoying his silent company. The night was in full swing and everyone seemed to having a good time. but I couldn't help but notice the way Aster looked at Hiccup. It was like he was trying to figure something out. It wasn't until Hiccup left for the bathroom that I found out what it was.

Aster quickly plopped himself down next to me and questioned me about my new boyfriend. I told him what I felt he needed to know and he gave me that look. The look that suggested something wasn't right. But he just patted my back, said he was happy for me and left it at that. I was a little confused by his actions but brushed them off when hiccup returned. The night went on without incident but I didn't fail to notice the way Aster looked at Hiccup.

It was a few days later that Aster just dropped by my apartment unannounced. Of course that wasn't unusual for him. He made himself at home on my couch and told me bluntly that I needed to dump the "cute little brunette with the great ass". Bewildered, I questioned him on why. Why didn't he like Hiccup? Did he offend him in some way? Of course not. Aster told me that Hiccup seemed like a nice kid. So what was wrong? What was wrong, was Aster had heard of him. And if Aster had heard of him, that couldn't be good.

Aster went on the tell me that Hiccup was pretty well-known the underworld. Whatever the hell that meant. To Asher, it meant his world. A world different from mine. A world full of sex, drugs and many other illegal things. He mentioned that Hiccup wasn't into drugs or anything but he swore the kid had a strange sex addiction. It was about two years back that it became known around Aster's group. Of course, I knew nothing about that and I didn't care. Everyone had a past. My past sure wasn't clean. But I trusted Hiccup. Perhaps he had been that way in the past but he wasn't any more.

Aster agreed but he went on the tell me that he knew a guy Hiccup had dated a few years back in his youth. Apparently, the guy was s_till_ broken about it.

_"I know he's a sweet guy, Jack. But he sure as hell leaves a trail of broken hearts behind him."_

I couldn't ignore Aster words. It was Aster and the man was a lot of things. But a liar was not one of them. I told him about what Astrid and Oscar had told me. I told him everything. Even about the morning he ran away after sex. Aster mentioned that maybe the boy was changing since he did come back. It gave me hope really. But Aster left me with a warning. He told me to be safe, guard my heart till i was absolutely sure Hiccup wouldn't hurt me. He left me with a bitter taste in my mouth.

Three different people had warned me. Three people. One that was extremely close to Hiccup, one who had once been, and one who was extremely close to me. That wasn't something to ignore. I had to talk to hiccup about it. I just had to. I couldn't leave it like that. I was worried. So, not even a week after Aster spoke to me, i confronted Hiccup about it. Of course, I brought it up slowly and I didn't accuse him of anything. i just mentioned that Aster had heard of him.

It was obvious Hiccup immediately knew what I was talking about. His face grew dark, an expression I had never seen before and he explained that I had nothing to worry about. That he wasn't like that any more and hadn't been in a long time. He explained he had looked for something in the wrong places. I didn't want to push the boy so I didn't question him more on it. I also failed to mention the warning Astrid and Oscar gave me. After all, Astrid was his best friend. i didn't want to seem like i was trying to cause problems between them or anything. And as for Oscar... Well I just wanted to forget that Hiccup had even dated anyone before me.

After that, Hiccup opened up to me. It was slow but not a slow as it had once been. He told me more about his childhood. He told me about his father who was a stoic man and strongly disagreed with everything Hiccup believed in. But the man still loved him. He told me about a few of his past relationships and mentioned that he did indeed break them all off. But because he knew he wasn't in love. He wasn't in love with them and saw no point in dragging it out. I understood that. But I told him, if he ever felt that way about us, to give me a warning before just disappearing. He promised he would but he gave me this look. This cute little flustered crooked smile before saying that it probably wouldn't happen.

I'd never felt so warm in my life. The look in his eyes confirmed that he was falling for me just like I was falling for him. It was all I needed at the time. I couldn't ask for me. So I practically tackled the boy in a hug and it didn't take long before clothes were forgotten and we lost our selves in each other.

Our six month mark rolled around in February. Valentine's Day was a big deal to me. I'd never actually had a lover when the day rolled around so I thought it was the perfect opportunity to show Hiccup that I could be romantic. I went simple. I made him dinner in my apartment. Something he seemed to graciously appreciate. I wasn't much of a cook but I did my best for the adorable brunette. Just seeing his smile was enough for me. Enough to make my heart go crazy. I knew then what it meant.

We ate our dinner together, chatting idly about little things. Once we were done, he helped me clean up and we moved into the living room to exchange gifts. I'd never seen Hiccup blush that hard when he handed me the small wrapped box he'd gotten me. I was in slight awe at the beautiful sparkling snow flake pendent that was nestled in the box.

_"I... I made it. Because... You... It's your eyes.. They," He took a deep breath, "They remind me of the early morning glow of freshly fallen snow and the sparkle of icicles." He covered his flushed face suddenly as he let out a few puff of breath. "It's stupid isn't it?"_

_I could only smile at the brunette at my side. I remained quiet as I lifted the necklace from the box. I overlooked it, unable to keep the smile from my face before eagerly clasping it around my neck. My fingers brushed over the pendent for a moment before I leaned forward, wrapping an arm around Hiccup's shoulder to press a soft kiss to his hair. He parted his fingers, peeking up at me with that blush still on his face. It was rare for Hiccup to be so shy and I savored it. _

_"I love it." I grabbed his hands, pulling them from his face gently to entangle our fingers together and let them rest in his lap as I dipped down to capture those slightly chapped lips with my own. It was a soft kiss. A simple kiss that seemed to leave up both a little breathless when I pulled back to press our foreheads together. "I love you."_

I hadn't planned to say those words. They just came out. Without warning. The look of shock on Hiccup's face was enough to make me wish I had never said them. I didn't want to scare him off. But It was how I felt. It took the boy a moment to relax, a smile coming to his lips before he kissed me. I didn't notice at the time that he didn't say it back. I didn't care. I was just relieved that I hadn't scared him off.

We finally managed to break apart from each other long enough for me to give Hiccup his gift. I didn't expect him to hand make me something so I blushed at the fact that we both had hand-made each other something. Those beautiful eyes glanced shyly at me through thick eyelashes before he opened the box. He gasped and tenderly lifted the small clay black dragon from the box. It was a simple thing really. Something I made in one of my classes and thought Hiccup would love. Since the boy had an interesting love of dragons. It was small, about the size of a quarter and was also attached to a black ribbon that was meant to be a necklace. He wasted no time in tying it around his neck before tackling me back onto the couch.

So I could be romantic. And apparently, Hiccup really liked that about me. Because that night, Hiccup literally gave me the best sex of my life. Over and over again. I was convinced there was nothing better than that. By the time Hiccup was asleep in my arms and I laid awake beside him, staring at the ceiling, I knew we were special. I knew that whatever anyone had warned me of didn't matter. Because I was different. Hiccup loved me even if he hadn't voiced it yet. His body and actions spoke loud enough for me to hear. I was convinced that whatever plagued the boy I loved wouldn't make him leave. I was convinced that I was helping him with whatever inner turmoil he was going through and we'd get through it together.

I was a fucking fool. The biggest fucking fool in existence. How could I ever think I was so special? That I was any different than Oscar and all those other guys who Hiccup left behind? I was arrogant and full of myself. I was fucking stupid.

You know why?

Because the next morning, Hiccup was gone. And I don't just mean like New Years. I could only hope it was like new years. But it wasn't. He didn't show up later, spilling apologies. He didn't answer my calls or respond to my texts. At first, I thought he just needed a little space. So i gave him a few days. A few days that I never saw him. I saw Astrid once and she gave me the strangest look I had ever seen. It was a mix between anger, hurt and pity. She didn't give me a chance to even approach her before disappearing into the school. And just like that, somehow I knew.

He was gone. And he wasn't coming back to me. I spent the next week trying to figure out what I had done wrong. What could I have done wrong? Everything seemed... Perfect. Just like Oscar had said. Was it because I told him I loved him? But Hiccup made me promises. There was no warning. He broke every promise he ever made me in the way of one night. And I had no idea why.

I figured, since we had three classes together I'd see him. I was wrong. Hiccup transferred out and I didn't see him again for a while. I knew he was still lurking around campus somewhere but he was next to impossible to found. All i wanted was an explanation. I felt i deserved that much. So he didn't love me. I could live with that. I just needed closure was all. I needed to know w_hy_. Where did I go wrong? What did I do? What didn't I do?

But I had no luck finding him. Hiccup didn't want to be found. He even transferred dorm rooms and I couldn't track him down. The boy didn't want to be found so he wouldn't be. It was at that point that I come to fully understand what everyone had been warning me about. Because there was a difference between breaking up and your lover just fucking disappearing without a word. There was a _huge_ difference. And The latter hurt the most.

After years of foster care, I had mastered the art of masking my pain. My friends were aware of what happened and told me I was taking it well. They all thought I was handling it pretty well but that was only because that's what I wanted them to think. I didn't want them to worry about me. Because if they knew the truth.. If they knew I cried myself to sleep every night and questioned every single aspect of myself then they'd worry. And they would have a right to.

Because Hiccup had become my everything in the span of six months. His smile was my light, his laugh was my reason and his touch was my existence. Everything he was had inserted itself so far into my mind, body and soul that I found it hard to breath without him. I was crumbling. Because I had no reasons. No excuses. No explanations. He was just gone and I was left to pick up the crumbling pieces. But I _couldn't_. I didn't want to. Part of me just wanted to let them crumble and see what would be left standing in the mess. I knew it was self-abusive but I didn't give a damn. It fucking _hurt._ Like everything I had ever been was ripped from my body and thrown to the ground only to be ripped apart by the teeth and claws of the monsters of my nightmares.

It got to the point that I couldn't sleep anymore. So I medicated myself. And then, that didn't even work anymore. Sandy started to notice. I could tell. With the way those golden eyes lingered on me and made my skin crawl. I'd claw at my skin to make it stop but it never stopped. It couldn't stop. I was sick. I was so sick and there was no cure to it. I was starting to realize that I was hardly even alive. Barely functioning. Just going the motions of life without actually living.

It was a month after Hiccup left that Sandy finally spoke up. But he didn't speak up to me. He did the one thing he thought he could do. He called Aster. I had been laying on my couch, barely awake when the tall man busted through my door, scaring me half to death. He didn't as questions. He just grabbed me, threw me in a cold shower with my clothes still on and demanded I clean myself up. Not one to want to anger the male any more, I did as he asked. I showered in cold water and changed into clean clothes. Aster was waiting patiently in my open kitchen when i stepped out of my bathroom.

The man wasted no time in sitting me down, shoving a beer in my face and demanded I explain. So I did. I poured my heart out to the one person who I knew would actually understand without judging me for it. I was a crying broken half drunk mess in his lap by the time I was done. To his credit, Aster had been mostly quiet the whole time. He'd make small sounds to remind me was listening and occasionally pat my back. He'd managed to let me lay my head in his lap as I cried on and he was gently stroking my white hair by the time I was done pouring my heart out.

I could only lay there, sniffling and choking back sobs as he just hummed, petting my hair. It was comforting in a way and I did feel a bit better after breaking to him. But it didn't change how I felt and I knew Aster knew that. I knew he knew there was nothing he could say to make it better. He knew there was nothing he could do to help me other than be there for me. And honestly, it was enough.

So that's what Aster did. Five nights a week. He'd show up, make me eat and shower, get me drunk and let me cry. For a month he did that. Two months after Hiccup left and I honestly wasn't any better than I had been when he left. There was no way I would be so soon. I had even been wondering if I ever would be okay again. Oscar sure didn't seem that alright and I wondered if I would become like Oscar. If Hiccup was already onto the next guy. That thought alone brought down a whole new wall in my heart and I was done.

Hiccup broke me. I didn't think it was possible for someone to break me. But Hiccup managed to do it in less than a year. Six months was all it took. Six months and the kid ruined my life. I didn't know if he did it on purpose or not. Part of me refused to believe that Hiccup had a bad bone in his entire body but my crushed heart and soul begged to differ. Either way, It didn't matter. I was broken but that didn't mean I always would be. I had a glimmer of hope that somehow, someway i would pull through and move on from this. Hiccup disappearing from my life was a blessing in a way. Because at least I didn't have to see him everyday. As long as I didn't see him, I could handle it somehow.

At least, that's what I convinced myself. But of course... With my luck, I couldn't even get just that.

* * *

The night sky outside my bedroom window was clouded over and the pitter patter of the rain against it was enough to lull anyone to sleep. But not me. I wasn't sure when the last time I slept was. I had gotten into the habit of waking up, hoping Hiccup would be beside me and I just couldn't handle that anymore. So I just gave up on sleeping. But I was in my bedroom anyway. Sitting on the edge of my bed in nothing but black sleep pants. My body was folded over slightly, my elbows resting on my knees with my fingers laced together so I could rest my chin on them as I stared out the window.

The rain was a soft whisper, soothing in its own way though it didn't make me any more tired than I already felt. Chances were, I wouldn't sleep until I had no other choice. Eventually my body would shut down and I would be able to sleep. It was a cycle. I was used to it by now. Three months ago, the cause of all of my pain left and I was still learning to cope with it. It was nearing the end of May and in three days I was heading back home for the summer. I wasn't ready to face Nicolas with the way I was but I had no choice. Aster had already taken the liberty of explaining to my adoptive father what had happened. So he knew. But that didn't mean I ready to deal with any of it. My friends could pretend like everything was alright for my sake. But Nicolas couldn't.

I let out a soft sigh, running a hand through my bleached white hair before getting to my feet. My body creaked at the motion but I ignored it. Everything hurt. Everything ached. But I was used to it at this point. The pain was a friend. The tightness in my chest that caused my breath hard to find was a normalcy to me now. The ache in my bones was normal. And the emptiness in my chest was something I'd come to expect.

My bare feet padded against the wooden floor as I made my way to the window, glancing out over the small park that was behind my apartment building. The rain was falling at an easy manner, leaving everything glistening and a little foggy. I let out another sigh and pressed my hand against the cool window. The glass fogged at my touch but my crystal blue eyes focused on the ground outside my window.

It was then that I saw him. For a moment, I thought I was only seeing things. After all, It wouldn't be too surprising if i just happened to start seeing Hiccup every where. A hiccup only I could see. That wouldn't actually be that surprising. But no, this was real. I didn't know how I knew, but I just knew. There he was. Sitting on the edge of one of the large fountains with his head buried in his hands. He didn't see me but I saw him. I knew from where he sat he had a perfect view of my room. But what... What was he doing there?

I didn't wait to figure it out. I pushed away from the window and ran. I burst out of my bedroom and I was through the door of my apartment in under thirty seconds. My bare feet padded softly against the tiles as I ran down the hallway. I avoided the elevator and started to quickly make my way down the three flights of stairs. My chest contorted and for a moment, it felt like my lungs were going to burst from my chest. It _burned._ Everything burned. But I wasn't thinking. I was running down the stairs recklessly but I didn't care. I had to get _there_ before he disappeared again. I just had to.

I was panting and gasping for breath when I reached the back doors that lead to the garden. I quickly pushed them open with a loud bang which caused Hiccup to jump from his spot. Oh, he was still there. He seemingly hadn't moved since I left my room. I didn't even pause for a second as I pushed through the doors and toward him.

Hiccup's face was pale white, his freckles standing out within his shock. But that quickly faded away when he realized I was coming toward him. The boy scrambled to his feet and he was off. Like Hell i was going to let him run away from me. He had a good start on me but I pressed forward and followed him into the park. The rain decided them to start to fall harder and I cursed it. My body felt like it was ready to break into pieces. Days without sleep and proper nutrition were starting to show in my once athletic body. But luckily for me, Hiccup had never been that athletic. If anything, the boy was a klutz.

So, I managed to close the distance between us rather quickly. But then he spun and took a quick turn, running into the woods. I skidded on the pavement in my bare feet and before I could stop it, I was on the pavement. I let out a hiss, knowing my arm and side were scratched from where I had landed on them. "Son of a bitch." I cursed out as I scrambled to get to me feet. I was barely on my knees when I glanced up to see Hiccup standing there, not far away, half hidden behind a tree.

Time seemed to freeze for just a second. His forest eyes were duller than normal in the dark and his nails were digging into the bark of the tree he held on to. He was shaking bad enough that I could see it a few feet away in the dark. His face was pained and it was then that I realized, I wasn't the only one suffering. But _why?_

"H-Hiccup." I gasped the name softly, brushing away the water droplets that fell into my eyes as I simply stared at him on my knees.

The brunette flinched slightly at his name being called. Like it was a knife in his gut. Perhaps it was. But, it was like it did something else to him. Slowly, Hiccup moved out from behind the tree and approached me. One step at a time, one ease on my chest at a time. He stopped within arms reach of me before kneeling down in front of me. "A-Are you hurt?"

How could he even ask that question? I swallowed hard, and felt something deep inside my soul snap. My hand reached out and quickly snatched Hiccup's thin wrist. The boy yelped at the sudden movement but I ignored him as I got to my feet, pulling him with me. "J-Jack?' He questioned softly, his voice strained. "What-" I cut him off with a tug to his arm and started walking. He tried to pull his hand from mine but there was no use. My hand was like a vice grip on his wrist and there was no way in hell I was letting go. Hiccup continued to speak to me but I really couldn't hear him. His struggling eventually ceased by the time we reached the doors of the apartment building.

I lead him inside, a sudden chill from the cool air of the building striking me. I was soaking wet from head to toe in nothing but sleep pants. But I didn't care. Hiccup was just as soaking wet as I was. I lead him to the elevator and pressed the button, waiting. I could feel Hiccup staring at me but I couldn't look at him yet. I knew he was questioning what I was doing. After all, I was sure he had been expecting me to hit him or something. Hell, I was even surprised hadn't. But I wasn't exactly in my right state of mind at the moment.

The elevator dinged and opened. I pulled Hiccup inside with me, pushed the button for my floor and the doors shut behind us. The ride up was silent. My eyes stayed forward but I could see Hiccup's reflection in the metal door. His face. It was white. So terrified. What was he thinking I was going to do to him? To be fair, I wasn't even sure yet. But he didn't need to fear me. I'd never hurt him before and I honestly had no intention of hurting him. I just... wanted to talk. But my mind was racing a mile a second and I just couldn't focus. All I knew was I had to get Hiccup to my apartment.

So once the elevator dinged again and the doors opened, I pulled Hiccup along behind me. Down the hallway, a turn to the left, fourth door on the left. My door was partly ajar and I pushed it open to enter the room. I tugged Hiccup inside with me, slammed the door shut and locked it. I heard Hiccup gasp but ignored him as I moved toward my bedroom, my iron grip still on his wrist. He started to fight me once again but I ignored him as I pulled him into my bedroom.

The light casting in from the street lights outside was the only light in the room, causing the room to be cast mostly in darkness. I felt water dripping down every part of my body and I glanced over to see Hiccup having the same issue. His eyes were wide and he was shaking as he stared at me, terrified. I just stared at him for a moment before tossing him onto my bed.

The brunette let out a yelp of surprise when his soaking wet body made contact with my soft bed. He scrambled to sit up and in that time, I'd managed to grab something from the drawer beside the bed. I grabbed Hiccups bruised wrist once again and clamped a handcuff around it before clasping the other one around the post of my bed. I took a step back, my eyes narrowed as I glanced over the shaking boy. He tugged on the handcuffs and once he realized he wasn't going anywhere, his face paled even more and he glanced up at me with wide eyes.

"J-Jack." He whispered through blue shaking lips.

I felt my expression soften and I parted my lips to finally speak. "You're... You're not running away this time. Not until you explain this to me." I told him before turning around to leave the room. I heard him call my name but I ignored it as I moved to the bathroom. I grabbed a few towels before returning to find Hiccup curled up against my headboard. Our eyes met as I dropped the towels onto the bed. He watched me as I grabbed one and threw it over my shoulders before grabbing a second one. I shifted to sit near him and I was pleased to see him not flinch away from me. I knew I had scared him but he seemed okay now.

I shook out the towel before tossing it over his head. Hiccup stayed as he was, with his knees hugged to his chest as I started to dry his hair. I ruffled the towel, rubbing it over his head a few good times before dragging it down his neck and over his shoulder. Once his head was exposed once again, I could see his pale face was flushed and his freckled stood out even more. For a moment, I could only stare into those eyes and see the torment within them. But why was that there?

My brow furrowed and I opened my mouth to speak before realizing he was still shivering. We were both soaking wet and our clothes were not helping. I glanced at him before reaching forward to lifted up the hoodie he wore. Hiccup allowed me to remove it but with his hand cuffed it was stuck. I narrowed my eyes before glancing at him once again.

"I-I promise. I won't run." His voice was barely a whisper.

"You've broken promises before." I mumbled which caused him to visually wince. So he felt guilty. That was a good sign. I twirled the key around in my fingers for a moment before letting Hiccup go. He rubbed his wrist for a moment before letting his damp hoodie drop to the floor. Our eyes met once again before he tugged of his damp t-shirt. It joined the hoodie on the floor before he started to undo his pants.

My chest clenched and suddenly, it was like my heart had started once again. My breath was hard to find though so I got to my feet and turned my back to him. I moved to my dresser searching for something dry that would fit him. It was the best way to preoccupy myself. After all, the cause of all my pain was undressing on my bed at the moment. The one boy who made my world stop... the one boy who made me feel intoxicated...

I swallowed the lump that formed in the throat and pulled out clean boxers for both of us. I tossed a pair to Hiccup on the bed before bending down to open the bottom drawer of my dresser. I paused at the dark green sleep pants folded nicely in the drawer before grabbing them and tossing them to Hiccup as well. Time seemed to stop for a moment as I watched Hiccup's face flush as he slowly picked up the pants. He glanced at me, making me look away. I swallowed hard again and quickly started to remove my damp clothing. I kicked it away into a pile before slipping on my clean dry boxers and dry blue sleep pants.

I turned back around to grab one of the towels only to see that Hiccup was staring at me. He'd managed to change as well and sat with his legs pressed to his chest, still shaking slightly. But those eyes were on me. I bit my lip, grabbed a towel and started to dry off my damp hair. What was I even doing? Yes, I had questions that needed to be answered but all I wanted to do was touch him. To hold him again and never let him go. But I couldn't... I couldn't do that. Because he wasn't mine anymore.

That thought sent me spiraling. I had to steady myself on the dresser for a moment, the towel hiding my face from Hiccup. I heard him cal my name softly, in a worried tone that made my chest clench so painfully I thought it was going to burst. This wasn't fair. What the hell was I thinking? I was doing okay. But he just had to show his face again... It was by chance that I saw him sitting outside my... Why was he sitting outside my window in the first place?

I ripped the towel from my head and snapped my eyes to Hiccup. The brunette flinched backwards, his eyes widening slightly as I approached him. "Jack?" He questioned softly.

"You." I pointed to my window. "What were you doing?" I asked, my chest heaving slightly as I stared down at him, the towel dangling from the hand I pointed with.

Hiccup was still for a moment before those beautiful eyes shifted away from me. He looked down at his knees, his fingers curling around the towel he had around his torso. "I... I don't know."

"Don't give me that shit." I hadn't meant to sound so harsh. I let out a faint sigh and shifted to sit on the edge of the bed, opposite of Hiccup, facing him. "Tell me the truth, Hiccup." I spoke softly, my voice taking on the tone of the heartbroken man I was.

Those eyes finally glanced up at me and for a moment, green was all I saw. My body felt like it was going to crumble but for now, those eyes were the only glue holding it together. "I... I really don't know Jack. I was just... I was walking around and I ended up there."

"Do you miss me?" It was all I could managed to ask. So many questions yet only one could come out. Hiccup didn't answer at first. But then his cheeks flushed and he pulled the towel over his head, successfully hiding himself from me. It was the only answer I needed. I swallowed hard, licking my lips as I shifted onto my knees. "Hic." I whispered softly, crawling toward him till my knees connected with his feet. "Do you..." My breath started to come harder but I pushed past it. "Love me?"

Again, it was like time froze. Or perhaps it was just the two of us. Because my hand had been in the middle of reaching out for his towel but froze in midair at the words that left my mouth. And Hiccup... He stopped shaking and silence overtook us both. Even our breathing was silent. If either was us was actually breathing at all. I hadn't meant to ask it. I had thought I'd yell at him. Demand a proper answer and call him a liar. But this... This was completely different than I expected.

But it made a little sense. Maybe the entire time, Hiccup was just scared of falling in love. So he'd disappear before that could ever happen. It would explain why he was randomly outside my window at two in the morning. It would also explain why he blushed and looked at me that way. If he hated me, if he had really wanted nothing to do with me anymore... He wouldn't look at me like that. Not the same way he had every night we were together. I _knew_ that look. That look was what had convinced me I was different. And Maybe... Just maybe, I was.

"Hiccup." I spoke a little louder after clearing my throat. I reached out to grasp the towel in my hand before ripping it off of Hiccup's head. His eyes snapped up to mine and I froze for a moment. He was crying. His cheeks were red and his eyes were pouring tears. I'd never seen him cry before. Never. He looked... just as broken as I felt. I threw caution to the wind and fell forward, wrapping him up in my arms and buried my head in his neck.

Hiccup easily melted into my embrace and slipped his shaking arms around my body. I could feel his hot tears against my shoulder and I found myself slipping between his legs. Our weight made us both slip and out body connected rather painfully. But neither of us made any move to change it. It was an awkward position, with Hiccup's back pinned to the head board and my body pressed against him as I held onto him. But neither of us moved as I let Hiccup cry against my shoulder. His hands clawed at my back, like they were grasping for something to cling to and I could only press closer to him, tightening my arms around him.

We stayed like that for a while. I wasn't even sure how long. We stayed until Hiccup's tears ran dry and he was left letting up little dry sobs of pain. Slowly, I shifted, pulling my knees under me and between his spread legs so I could lean over him. My arms trailed from his back, up his sides and up around his neck. I placed them on either side and used my thumbs to push his jaw up so he could meet my eyes. The pain I found there made my body clench and it was then that I realized I hadn't been the only one suffering. With one look, I _understood_. And that was what made me special.

"I don't care, Hiccup." I mumbled softly, forcing a soft smile to my lips. I could feel my own eyes prickle with tears but I fought them back. "I know, believe me... I know. But I'm not going to let you run this time. I love you. More than I could ever explain." I moved a little closer to his face, watching as it scrunched up and more tears found their way down his cheeks and to my hands. "I don't know who put that rock in your chest but I am going to do my damnest to chisel away at it."

"Y-You already have." Hiccup's words were broken with pain and tears.

My lips quirked into a real soft smile as I searched those eyes. "Then allow me to continue. Because I'm not going to let you down. It's time you fall, Henry." He hiccupped a sob at his given name, "And trust me to catch you."

Hiccup's eyes closed and he slapped my hands away suddenly only to tackle me back onto the bed. I groaned faintly at the impact but couldn't help but smile. The ache was still there. The pain that I thought would never go away. But it wasn't as intense. It was like a warm burn as Hiccup nuzzled into my neck, his tears hot against my skin. I let out a relieved sigh, my hands moving to rub over his bare back.

"I mean, really, All i have to do is handcuff you again and you're not going anywhere." I mumbled out which caused a slight laugh in his sobs. My lips quirked into a smile as he shifted to lift his head. Our eyes met and there was that crooked smile I'd fallen so hard for.

"I..." He bit his lip, his cheeks flushing and all I could do was lift a hand to brush over his cheek.

"I know, Hic. I know."

His lips were on mine in an instant and it was all I needed. I knew. I understood. He didn't have to say it. I had been too wrapped up in my own pain to really understand it. But I understood now. It wouldn't be easy. Hiccup would probably run from me again. Run from what we had. But I was willing to chase him down. I had to push past the pain because I _knew_ he loved me. And one day, One day he would say it. Because the best part about falling in love was the chase. It wouldn't be worth having it I didn't have to fight for it. And fight I would. Anything for Hiccup. Because he had my heart. He had my everything and there was no way in hell it was going anywhere else.

He was worth it. He was worth any pain. Because I knew, in the end, he would be mine. And that was perfect.

I was a lovesick fool.

But only for Hiccup.

And I could survive it.

For him.

* * *

**Well there you go. I don't know what I was thinking honestly. But I like it. Sometimes you just have to let stuff out and that's what this fic was about. I hope you enjoyed it. **

**Please don't forget to review. I'd like to know what you thought.**

**Thanks.**

**~Addy~**


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